Help or not help?

I live what most in the World would call a blessed life, I have more than enough to eat, a nice roof over my head a car and nice things about me. I enjoy the security that I won’t be hunted be hunted down and killed for my Religious or Political Views I have the free right to express my views where ever and whenever I want. You should have seen me shout at God on Malta on the Sea shore over looking St Paul’s bay last Wednesday!!! (I think I’m lucky not to be locked up for being insane by the looks of some people)
In today’s world of have and have not’s it is only right to help those who have nothing or live in fear of their lives, if someone actually knocked on your front today with total fear on their face and blood on them and said they needed help would you really slam that door in their face? Or would you let them in, sit them down, phone the police and help them? Well read Tales of a Timelord’s blog from lastnight.

Time to to say how I feel

I have been trying for a few days now to write how I feel about the past 10 days or so. I know that is sort of therapeutic to write down my feelings and cathartic as well. I guess that not too many people read my blog so it won’t change the world and those that read it know me anyway and I guess they will know how I feel as they will probably feel pretty much the same as well.

Anyhooo here goes:-

I have to be honest and say in some ways it just doesn’t feel real, and in other ways it feels far too real. To actually feel the grief of losing two close friends is far too much to stand most of the time, so my brain sort of says “It’s ok all this didn’t really happen” then I get a wave of feeling fine. Then I remember something Matt/Chris may have said to me and I then feel, well awful again so my brain throws in a daft thing Matt/Chris said or did, I feel sad but OK…you get the picture? It hasn’t hit home yet I guess and that’s the way I feel. Up one second, down the next then sort of OK.

I have had a true epiphany come out of this tragedy, and that is I have actually seen how grief can be used to show love and be a witness for God. Matt’s family have opened my eyes to see how this can happen; in what must be the worst time of their lives they have opened up their house and hearts so that they are sharing this time with others who knew and loved Matt and Chris.
I have had the privilege of going around to their house on a few occasions and all I have ever been shown is love and warmth. I want to go round and comfort Heidi, Steve, Viv and Alan and I end up being comforted? It doesn’t seem quite fair really does it? You walk through the front door and God is in their house big time. You can sense and feel God there and at work and it is just awesome.
My heart and Prayers are for the Sellers Family as they are with Chris’s family and friends especially Lois and Carol. I have a big open heart for Heidi though, God has put her on my Burden list at number 1 and I cannot and will not argue with that, I cannot understand the loss that Heidi has had, and I know that for me to understand that sort of loss I would need to have it. I pray I never do. I just know that until I am not needed anymore I will do my best to be there for Heidi as long I don’t get in her way or annoy her too much…

Tuesday - Farewell for now Chris

Revd. C J Rankin

Yesterday we said farewell to Chris. I had the privallge of sharing this day with 4 very special people in Chris’s life from our Church, these for are of course my friends as well Stephen, Heidi, Karen and Ed. I won’t go into the details of yesterday, because it was a very emotinal day and I am still too raw.
I will say that what was said at the Thanksgiving Service was a good reflection of “Revd. Christopher John Rankin” a Man of God on a Mission. Chris was a true friend to many and very much loved, he will be missed by those who he touched.

I have learned from this awful tradgedy that I want to spend more time with Mrs Englsih Blogger and my Friends and a little less time infront of the TV and my PC's. I also want to be more on fire for God and use my talents a little more for God, how I can do that I am not sure just yet?

Matt and Chris, my friends, thank you

Two friends

I have been home for a few days now, and I still feel pretty much the same as I did in Malta; though being back is so much better. I have spent many hours at Church being with people who love me and cared about and Loved Chris and Matt. I have spent some time with Steve, Viv, Al and Heidi. This was just love and love again, I have lost two friends they have lost a best friend, husband, brother and son and friend, no words can ever express that sort of loss. But we have the knowledge that they are in Heaven, and that is the one binding fact that joins all together. We know we will be with them again and they are in Glory.

Matt was my “Office Partner” we shared our days together, we did lunch, we talked and shared our thoughts and problems. I loved my days “Chewing the Fat” with Matt. We agreed on all the big things and argued over the fine points, much to our amusement. He often would end an argument by calling me Butt Ugly and Fatty and a whole lot worse and we would laugh our socks off. Matt was a true Man of God who loved Christ with a Passion and that passion burned in him to share his faith. Matt wanted to whole world to Know the Lord and he often talked about how he would love to travel and share. I did suggest India as we loved to have an Indian meal together. I have a very happy and wonderful memory of when Shelagh was away in Brazil and Matt and I meeting up for a beer and a Curry at Café Garden, Matt was a thoughtful friend and he knew I would be very lonely without Shelagh so insisted we go for a Curry and chat. In a way that sums up Matt, someone who would look after everyone else, who cared for people and loved his friends and would be there for them.
My heart is broken for Heidi, I just want and need to be there for her, Matt would want to do the same if this had happened to me, he would just be there. Al, is Matt's younger brother and Matt loved Al so much, we often talked of how proud Matt was of Al and how Matt could see the strength and wisdom in Alan growing and how Matt admired his Alan’s faith. That was a brotherly love I was so blessed to see.

Chris was my confident, I shared my inner thoughts with Chris, and I shared some very hard times with him, Chris never judged me, he cared and prayed, he offered advice and he gave me a shoulder to cry on. Chris had an amazing sense of humour and a laugh that would send a room into gales of laughter. He may have been short in height but he was one of the biggest Men of God I knew. Chris was a foodie like myself and Shelagh and we shared some wonderful meals together and the odd bottle or 6 of Red wine. I could put so many stories about Chris, he was accident prone and things just happened when Chris was about, he had a memory of a sieve and would forget just about anything and everything. Chris lived life at 90mph and would fit 25 hours of things into a day and that sort of sums some of Chris up a man on a mission so don't get in his way please.

My two friends, enjoy this time together, but please save me a large Magno, I’ll be along soon.

God Bless you, my two friends and men of Faith, you shared some time with me, I thank you for that, I am a better person and I believe a better Christian because of you.

The photo's are:-

Matt, myself and Chris sharing a joke and a beer

Matt doing his Freemason impression

Myself and Chris enjoying a joke

?Love and loss?

I am in Malta as I write this, it is two days since I heard the news that two of my best friends have been killed in a crash on the M6 motorway. I don't know what to say or do, I have been in a daze ever since. I am holding myself together, for the sake of everyone else on the holiday, two of Shelagh's friends, our friend Ian and Shelagh's brother and his partner.

All I know is my heart is in over a billion pieces, my brain is in a termoil and I feel like I have been hit by a tree.

I loved Matt and Chris like brothers, I respected them and shared some amazing times, I just need time and space to let this news sink in, I need to get back to the UK and see Heidi, Al, Steve and Viv. I need to go to my Church and just be there.

Warm Wet Seas

Tomorrow Mrs English Blogger and myself are popping over to Malta for a week to see Mrs EB's brother and his partner Julia. Whilst there we will be diving most days, above are 3 photo's I took during last year’s diving and 1 picture Mrs EB took. The first picture is of the three most common fish seen on a dive in Malta, the 2nd is a a Goby known as the Star Gazer and the 3rd is the Blue Hole on Gozo as seen from Below and the 4th is the Blue hole from above.

It was seeing the Blue Hole on Goze that gave me the bug for Diving, I just saw that amazing clear blueness and wanted to jump in. Well on Saturday I should be diving that again along with Amanda and David, two friends who are coming with us on Holiday and Ian my good friend, though he wont be diving the Blue Hole as it's an advanced dive and Ian has only done 1 try dive. We will be taking Ian in again and enjoying some shallow dives, and hopefully a night dive, a wreck dive or two and of course enjoying the food and beer.

We have been diving a few years now and it is a Hobby I really enjoy as does Mrs EB, I just wish we lived a little closer to the south med so we could go a little more often. I am a bit of a softy and will only dive in warm water, I do get asked to go to English dives but as I hate being cold and wet there is no chance I will go. Unless global warming takes effect PDQ and turns the English Channel and North Sea into 29c Med warm seas I can't see me Diving in it.

Food; One of life questions

A friend has questioned "Do I think of anything but food?" Thanks Heidi!!!

I am going to be honest, yes, but food is a very important part of mine and Mrs English Bloggers life. I think about all the usual things in like, God, friends, work but I do plan food. Some people "eat to live" we "live to eat." It works like this: We plan a holiday to say Florida, one of the first things Mrs EB will do is surf the net and find some amazing restaurants we will then plan our days out, say 1 day Theme Park, one day Shopping Mall etc we will also plan where we want to eat say Red Lobster, Texas to Brazil, Denny's for Breakfast that sort of thing.

Mrs EB and I really enjoy food, we love Curry, we love Steak, we really enjoy eating out. I was a chef in my early life and I enjoy cooking but not for myself, I love to cook and watch people enjoying the food. Food is one of life's pleasures it releases endorphins in the brain, flavours enhance memories, and savouring tastes and textures is one of the beauties of life. Food is a passion of mine, I love good food, and I have to be honest I hate bad food; Bad cooking!!! There is no excuse, it is all about time and blending. If you don't know how to fix an engine you go to someone who does or you get a Hain's Manual. If you don't know how to cook go out and eat or get a recipe book. I also hate it when people go "I won't eat that look at it urghhh" right have you tried it? NO!!
MMM try it, you may just like it, if you don’t like it after you have tried it no harm is done, go get something else. Mrs EB is excellent on trying new things, and now she loves so many new food's she never imagined before we married.

Food is more than just putting energy in the engine and sustaining life. Food is about life itself, it's memories, experiences and above all shared company and love. So Heidi, to answer you, No, not really my life is based around food, does it show?

Steve Irwin dies.

Today one of my hero's died, he died doing what he did best, working on the conservation of wild animals. Steve had a passion 2nd to none, he was such a infectious man. I just loved his way and his manner. I have shed a few tears today, I feel for Terri, Bindi Sue and Bob his family.

Steve was speared by a Stingray, The Stingray, known as a very gentle fish, it is ironic that the man who swam with Salt Water Crocodiles and held Brown Snakes played with Funnelweb spiders is killed by a gentle fish. I have swum with a large school of stingrays in Grand Cayman and was amazed by the experience ,I know Steve would have been careful and it was just a tragic accident.

God Bless Steve, your family are in my Prayers, I know God will look after you, because you looked after his planet and cared for and saved so many for his beautiful animals.

The Weekend ends here

I had an OK weekend, we did the odd bits and Bobs: shopping for our Malta trip on Thursday; We took Mrs English Blogger's mother out for Breakfast to Frank and Benny's in Glouster, mmmmmmbig breakfasts. I put a new bit of software on Mrs EB's laptop, so she can now have all of her Dives from her Dive Computer on her PC.

We then had a massive Indian Takeaway and watched a documentary on 9/11 filmed by a French cameraman who was actually making a documentary about a rookie fireman at the time. Wow I was really upset watching it all again. I just couldn’t believe the courage and determination of these fire fighters, all they wanted to do was be at Ground Zero and do what they could to get people out. They worked 24 hour shifts then they where supposed to take 24 hours off, but these guys would grab a bit of sleep and just head back.

I honestly wept so much during this programme; the awfulness and helplessness of the situation; as one fireman put it “When a 110 story building comes crashing down, and not a desk, PC or Telephone can be found, what chance is there we will find any whole body?” Another fireman said “We dig then if we are really lucky we find a body, then we get told to clear the site because of collapses, you can never find that body again” It must have been so hard for those brave men. I just wonder what the after affects will be? Seeing all that tragedy, breathing all that toxic smoke?

I do Pray that God will be kind and gracious to those Brave people who looked after Ground Zero from 9/11.

Sunday was a fantastic day at Church, our minister is back after a few weeks away on his hols. (well deserved) It was a sort of renewal Sunday, and he spoke so well on it and how important Prayer is if we want to move forward. He did make the odd gaff, which did make me laugh, but I honestly love that in our minister, he is human, he does make a mistake, and he is a true man of God, and I love him for that. I have learned so much from him over the years, and he has been there for me during some very tough times in my life. I am so looking forward to hearing what he has to say in the next term, shame I won't be there on Sunday.

Friday - Weekend here we come

The beauty of being my own is boss is I can take as long as I want on a job, I am doing a little work for London Creative, which is really nice. I made a commercial yesterday, and today it came back for a few tweaks, none of them took long and poor Matt at LC was pulling his hair out the woman who was clearing the ad kept asking for a word here to be moved and slight infection change there. Now I could have done that no problem with a re-record, but that wasn't in the budget. So I had to play in Pro Tools and try my best, anyhoooo at the end of the day they are happy, LC are happy so I am happy.

Not much else has happened, I have a bloody migraine appear this afternoon so I am feeling pants. Hopefully I will feel better in the morning and ok for a beer in The Vesey, hence the photo enjoying a pint on a Sunday evening after church.

Thursday - a new path?

Today I went for an interview for a full time job!!!! I know I have my own company and that is just actually starting to bring a little work in. Well a job has come up within the industry and it is fairly localish so I decided to go for the interview, I think that went OK, and I left feeling I was honest and I said what they wanted to hear.

I'll pray about it and put it into Gods hands, which is all I can do really.

So apart from that not an awful lot has happened, I am sitting waiting for a job to come in from London and then I'll cook tea for Mrs English Blogger and maybe surf the Interwebnetty for a while.

Wednesday (is the week half over or halfway?)

I spent some time on Saturday looking for an external HD for my studio Mac…I need It to be 7200rpm Pro and Firewire, how hard do you think it was to find one? First stop a local PC shop, then PC World nope neither had them, PC World had a load of external HD’s all quite nice and great prices, but they were all USB2 which is far too slow to be used in the studio with Pro Tools.
So I went online and found one that was actually cheaper than PC Worlds USB2 400 Gig? I found a 400 gig firewire Pro Drive for under £180 and PC Worlds 400 gig USB was £199 I think?

Anyhoo that arrived this afternoon, and I have spent most of the afternoon putting stuff on in from the internal Drive, then wiping that drive so I can speed up that drive a tad.

Big shock I went out for a Curry last night !!! Mrs English Blogger and I went out with Amanda and David over in Cotteridge, it was a great evening, I am so looking forward to spending the week with them in Malta with Julia and Dave and Skipster.

God has been working this week, more after Thursday morning ;-)

Tuesday after a Bank Holiday

This weekend was a Bank Holiday here in England, I am not great fan of Bank Hols as roads are far to busy and anywhere good to go to is packed so we tend to stay in and get bored…You know, we both catch up on paper work, do house work blah blah blah. So apart from a top Rev Rankers sermon, and spending some quality time with Mrs English Blogger, not really enjoyed this weekend.

On wards and upwards, this is a New week, and God has some great things planned for it.

And Mrs English Blogger is back :-)

Well Mrs English Blogger has been back just over a week!!! And in 10 days we are off Malta with my good friend Ian and Mrs EB's work colleague Amanda and her partner and good friend David. Which means when we get out there, there will be 3 David’s again. It is quite good fun, SMrs EB’s Brother becomes Dave, Amanda’s David is David and I become Davie.

Three weeks without Mrs EB was possibly the hardest time I have had in the last couple of years, I really hated it, I can put up with the odd overnights that come with work, but 3 weeks is just too long. The reasons she went is brilliant and I totally respect the whole team, but being a selfish husband, I just don’t like being apart from my wife.

Well in the three weeks I ate out quite a bit, I did a bit of work, I had some good times and most of all I missed the company of my best friend.

So what’s happening at the moment: not a lot really, I am just sorting out some stuff on my Studio Mac, which means buying an external HD to back up a shed full of data, and I am slowly filling up my IPod. I said Goodbye to a friend Helen, who has gone off to New Hampshire for Collage and I have been chatting to Matt a bit and found his wife Heidi’s blog. That’s it really.

Day 5

Well Mrs English Blogger has been away for 5 days…and I am surviving. I spent ages looking for a cheap flight to Malta, but I just can't get one, which is a shame. Though I have found 1 but it leaves on the 11th and returns on the 18th and Mrs EB returns on the 17th so I don’t think I’ll bother.

The Cats are missing Mrs EB and are being a little extra clingy with me …which is quite nice

Well Mrs English Blogger has gone

Well Mrs EB is in Trapia, North Brazil. How do I feel about that? I feel proud that my wife is giving herself to this project. I also feel a bit sad and lonely being without my Wife, best friend and life partner. I have 3 weeks on my own to do what I like with really. I am hoping for some work and maybe a little time to get away myself? If David and Julia are agreeable and I can get a cheep flight maybe a week of diving in Malta?

Anyhooo I’ll post again soonly

Wednesday 19th July

It is a week today and Mrs English Blogger is off to Brazil…I am very happy for Mrs EB to go, but I am also sad to be apart from Mrs EB for 3 weeks, the longest we have been apart for our 17 year marriage is 6 days when I have been away at Spring Harvest or working in London. I am also a bit jealous as I would love to be going as well.

Well the last week has been a bit boring but OK, I did a job for London Creative, and it was our wedding anniversary last Saturday, we didn’t go to the pictures, but went to Solihull and then for a curry. My mum and Dad have come back from Spain and we met up with them for pudding at the Bassets Pole on Sunday. Mrs EB is in London tonight and tomorrow night, and I went on a Lads curry night last night. The Lads curry night was very enjoyable though my curry was a little to gingery for my tastes, it was sweet…but as an evening top banana.

Nuclear defence or not?

Well the topic of whether or not to renew our nuclear defence? has reared it's ugly head again

Personally I think it is a total waste of money, why buy something you will and can never use?

So you have to have a gun because your neighbour has a gun? No that is just crazy isn’t it? What next, he buys a bomb you have to have one? That is the stupidest argument ever.

You can never use a nuclear weapon as it renders the used area totally stripped of any useful purpose for up to a 1000 years? the waste carries in the air until it settles and then renders that area useless as well. It kills for an unknown time, generations in Hiroshima and Nagasaki are still dying from illness from radiation sickness, 60+ years later, and children born near Kiev in Belarus are dying and are still being born mutated from fallout from the nuclear disaster 20+ years ago.

Do we need a nuclear defence that we can never ever use? 25 billion, I would rather we used that money, on helping the third world, the sick, the homeless or maybe even the health service.

So whats been happening

Wow time just zooms on and on.

I have been doing so many things over the past few months, Working :- done work for Kiss FM Kenya, Cube Productions, London Creative and others.
I have re-done my website www.baynhamcreative.co.uk
I have re-done Mrs English Bloggers website www.walk-on.co.uk

I have put in new foldback at Church, and been on sound more often than not, which I do enjoy so I don't mind at all.
Mrs EB and I went to London last weekend and had a fantastic time seeing The Lion King, Mrs EB, bought me an IPod in London, which is totally brilliant. Its a 60 gig 5thGen? well that’s what all the gumph says. All I know is I have only filled 4 Gig and and I am nearly out of CD's!!!

I am still depressed, but I can see light at the end of the tunnel...more later

Walk On

Sorry it has been so long in posting I have been a very busy bunnie producing, mixing and posting a web for my wifes new Album, it's called "Walk On" after a U2 written track on the album. samples can be found here www.walk-on.co.uk