Tuesday, September 26, 2006

So what do I do next?

Matt and I had a similar philosophy about earning Money, there are more important things in life, Family, friends, God and being able to help people. Since my health has been bad, a few years now, I have not really earned a great deal of money. I do care about money and I enjoy the benefits it brings, but I love being on hand to help out at Church, I love being able to help friends with problems and I love being on hand to be with Heidi and The Sellers family to help her in any way I can.

When I returned from being with Heidi and Viv at lunch and then with Heidi at Tesco’s yesterday (Heidi and I ended up with some free working Handcuffs each!!!, I think that is for Heidi's blog though) Viv gave me a big hug and said something that planted a small seed. I was putting my shopping away and preparing dinner I had a small time with God, and I am beginning to think to think I need to reassess my working life and what I want out of my life. It is getting to a point where I really need to do something as I do need to earn a living, I love my job I know I am very good at it, I honestly believe that God actually gave me all of my technical gifts, but I don’t think it is working as a company, as I cannot live on what I have earned since I have set it up. I have had a few really good months and I have actually earned a wage that is OK, but I cannot sustain the momentum and keep the work coming in, I know Matt believed in my company and he even spent some precious time on my website and he thought I just needed to market myself right, and maybe that is right. I honestly think I have marketed myself to the best of my ability though, and my resources won’t allow me to use a marketing company, and that would take away from it being the small company that I want to get across.

My only concern is my health, today I am feeling totally drained my headaches are just about bearable and my stomach is not playing up to bad at the moment, but at anytime it can just go bobbins and a migraine can hit whenever it feels it. So I do not feel very reliable. Oh I am so confused, I love being able to be free to be involved with Church and do the things like I have been doing, but I also need to earn a wage? I just don’t know the answer, I really want to do more things for God this recent tragedy has shown me that, and I know God will provide, but how, what, where and what form?
Donald said at Matt's Thanksgiving Service,(paraphrasing) it's what you leave behind; not the money, the position in a company, but the impact you can have on people lives, the love of Jesus "the legacy" and Matt and Chris truly did that and I want to do that.

I believe my mind is starting to clear now and the questions are starting to form…