Wednesday, November 29, 2006

The Darwin Awards

One of my regular trips into cyberspace is a visit to "The Darwin Awards." If you do not know about them, they are the people who are living on the edge of reality, they think they are never going to be it, they are the one who can actually do the impossible. Matt and I would often laugh at this site and the people mentioned. I have only just been able to visit this site again, as it does have a lot of memories for me with Matt and some amazing comments, of course you usually only get mention if you do something so stupid it kills you. Here are a few who get Honourable Mentions, so they live to tell another tale, and just maybe get the message.

An adult-ed teacher named Robert gave 25 students an impromptu lesson in ordinance safety during class recently. Using opaque reasoning, he figured a 40-mm shell he found on a hunting trip must be inert. Not only did he keep the round, but he used it as a paperweight on his desk. Such a unique decoration would start many interesting conversations, but more notably, it was Robert's ticking ticket to fame.

One day, Robert spotted a bug crawling across his desk. Squash it with a tissue? Sweep it out the door and continue with his lesson? Ignore it to pursue its happy existence? No, instead, Robert picked up the "inert" five-inch shell and slammed it onto the unhappy insect. The impact set off the primer, and the resulting explosion caused severe burns and lacerations to his hand, and shrapnel wounds to his forearms and torso.
No one else in the classroom was hurt.
To Robert's consolation, his actions did succeed in eliminating the bug

A pleasant turn of weather led to an unpleasant ordeal for 2 men, a woman, and a puppy. A sudden sunny day inspired a plan to move a barbecue-in-progress from the lawn to an apartment balcony. But the elevator involved decided to be disagreeabe, and protest the migration between the 4th and 5th floors.
For those who enjoy a barbecue, a whiff of the grill enriches the experience. But in an enclosed, unventilated space, the line between "a whiff" and deadly smoke inhalation soon blurs. Fortunately, the misguided picnickers escaped with only Honorable Mentions, as emergency services swiftly provided oxygen masks to those trapped in the elevator.
The puppy has presumably lost his taste for smoked meat since this ordeal.

If you have never visited "The Darwin Awards" it is a place that has some stories that will make you gasp with total disbelief, and some that will make you laugh your socks off, and one or two will actually make you feel sorry like this one.

This guy pushed his motorcycle from the patio into his living room, where he began to clean the engine with some rags and a bowl of gasoline, all in the comfort of his own home. When he finished, he sat on the motorcycle and decided to give his bike a quick start and make sure everything was still OK. Unfortunately, the bike started in gear, and crashed through the glass patio door with him still clinging to the handlebars.

His wife had been working in the kitchen. She came running at the fearful sound, and found him crumpled on the patio, badly cut from the shards of broken glass. She called 911, and the paramedics carried the unfortunate man to the Emergency Room.

Later that afternoon, after many stitches had pulled her husband back together, the wife brought him home and put him to bed. She cleaned up the mess in the living room, and dumped the bowl of gasoline in the toilet.

Shortly thereafter, her husband woke up, lit a cigarette, and went into the bathroom for a much-needed relief break. He sat down and tossed the cigarette into the toilet, which promptly exploded because the wife had not flushed the gasoline away. The explosion blew the man through the bathroom door.

The wife heard a loud explosion and the terrible sound of her husband's screams. She ran into the hall and found her husband lying on the floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.

The same two paramedics were dispatched to the scene. They loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. One of them asked the wife how the injury had occurred. When she told them, they began laughing so hard that they dropped the stretcher, and broke the guy's collarbone
OK I fibbed it may have made you laugh, I know both Matt and I did.